It never goes away

The Beast never dies until you do, it never goes away. Sometimes it goes to sleep, and you don't see it for weeks, months, years even, but it's always there, waiting, ready to kick you while you're already down. Anything can wake it up, even just a memory or seeing or hearing or reading something that evokes the ghosts.
Just be positive and smile, people say. You're just lazy, people say.
They have the wrong idea. It's not sadness, it's not gloom. It's a mental paralysis, it's expending tremendous energy just to perform basic functions, and it's never really gone.